By Trisha Meneely
Grieving a child is one of the worst experiences that a parent can go through. When Ryan passed away the grief was so over whelming. As a nurse I never knew that grief can manifest itself into so many physical symptoms. I was suffering from High Blood pressure and anxiety that would come out of nowhere. My memory was horrible I felt like I was losing my mind or that I had developed early dementia from the trauma. I literally could not remember events from the day before. I could not even plan my son’s funeral I was in a state of shock and disbelief. I remember very little going through those first six months. Traumatic loss triggers the brain to go into survival mode and tries to protect us from the pain of losing someone. The brain defaults to survival defensive mode and triggers the fight or flight mechanism. Grief affects the brain and the body in different ways. It can cause issues with memory and sleep disturbances. I have never had issues with sleeping but now I wake up in a full-blown panic attack several times a week. My body feels like I drank 30 cups of caffeine and every nerve ending, and muscle is on high vibration. I never experienced panic attacks before that. I remember that I even broke out all over my face and it took weeks for it to clear up. My body was in overdrive and on autopilot that I could not turn off. I was not in control of how my body was responding to Ryans death and the overwhelming grief. I remember following up with my doctor and telling them that I was experiencing chest pain constantly they told me it was anxiety, but I learned later that it Broken heart Syndrome. Broken heart syndrome is the a condition that is triggered by stressful situations like the loss of a child. The physical symptoms can mimic a heart attack with chest pain shortness of breath and irregular heartbeats. I remember the feeling of my heart fluttering at times. The cause is thought to be caused by a surge of stress hormones like adrenaline. My grief counselor sessions explained Broken Heart syndrome like this if i would have had a scan of my heart the day before Ryans death and the day after my heart would look like two different scans. While we are grieving, it is important to remember that we are capable of healing and growing through even the most difficult of circumstances. As we navigate the complex emotions of grief, we may often find ourselves facing physical pain and discomfort that seems unbearable. But it’s crucial to remember that these experiences are a natural part of the process and that by acknowledging them, we are taking important steps toward healing and recovery. Whether we are struggling with chest pain, difficulty breathing, panic attacks, or any other physical manifestation of our grief, it’s important to remember that there are resources available to us to help us understand and manage these symptoms. By seeking support and guidance from counselors and healthcare professionals, we can empower ourselves to navigate this difficult journey with strength, grace, and compassion. As you go through your journey know that you have a right to be angry, you have a right to be sad, and you have a right to whatever feelings you are feeling right now. It might not feel like you can get through another day, I know because I have been there. I am here to tell you that you can make it through this.
